How to Overcome Anger with Journaling

If you struggle with anger (or rage) and wonder how to deal with it, then you are in the right place.

In this article, I share:

How to overcome anger with journaling?
Why journaling is a highly effective tool for healing anger?
How to get started in journaling for emotional healing?
Writing prompts for anger management

Introduction

Let’s first start with the basics. Anger often gets a bad rep, but it is perfectly normal for well-functioning adults to feel angry. Especially in moments when they feel wronged or, their boundaries violated.

Anger in and of itself is not a bad (or wrong) emotion.

It’s how you manage your anger that determines your emotional health.

Know your Instinctual responses

Part of the reason why most people struggle is that anger is an instinctual emotion. That is, when feeling angry, your brain automatically shifts gear from the conscious mind to the instinctual mind.

Forebrain = Frontal Cortex: enables you the apply reasoning and logic

Midbrain = Limbic Brain: triggers fight-flight reactions = that is, it cuts out your ability to apply logical reasoning to a situation.

If you have ever regretted saying or doing things in a fit of anger, know that those kneejerk reactions came from your limbic brain. Your body is programmed to have those default reactions until you consciously change them.

Journaling helps you shift gears from your Limbic brain to your Forebrain (the part of the brain that enables critical thinking skills) and give a new perspective on anger.

Why Journal for Healing Anger?

Journaling enables you to process your challenging feelings and emotions.

Most people respond to anger with either fight or flight. They will either internalize their intense feelings or take them out on people around them. Neither of which is a healthy response.

With journaling, you are no longer stuffing down your anger or pain (because you get to express it on paper).

Diffuse charged emotions with journaling

Journaling helps diffuse the initial charge around a situation.

Say someone angers you, and you immediately get reactive or defensive (depending on your default emotional conditioning).

When you journal your feelings,

One, you become present to how you respond,
Second, writing down your hurt feelings helps discharge your heightened emotions.
Your intense feelings may not disappear immediately, but you will feel far more neutral about the situation.

Awareness of emotional triggers with journaling

You need to know your emotional triggers to heal your anger. You need to know what people, places, things, times & events make you feel angry or enraged.

When you consistently journal your negative thoughts and emotions, you become present to your emotional triggers.
Over time, you will notice patterns emerge in how you unconsciously respond in challenging situations.
Journaling helps you connect the dots in your conditioned responses and protects your mind from going off on a tangent.

Strategizing healthy anger response with journaling

When you admit how you feel in a situation, you gain awareness. You can then come up with practical solutions. Your list could include things like:

List of people or places to avoid
List of people with who you need to create healthy boundaries with (this could be your work colleagues or family members)
Seeking professional to heal a challenging relationship
Asking for timeout when triggered
When you become self-aware, you stop reacting and start responding. You consciously interject the default knee jerk reactions and develop emotional competency.

How to get started in journaling

There are many journaling options to explore these days, both online and offline. Based on my personal experience, I highly recommend a lined notebook (like this) for your emotional journaling.

Why journal with the hand?

When you write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal, especially when emotionally triggered:

it automatically slows down your brain waves
gets you in touch with your body
allows you to ‘feel’ into the situation
helps you slow down your thoughts (because you can only write so fast)
helps you connect with your heart
slows down
your breath and rebalances both sides of your brain

How long to journal?

If you are a beginner, I highly recommend a daily 15-20 mins journaling practice. If you can, journal right after an emotional meltdown. That’s the most potent time to journal because your feelings are still raw.

When I first learned about the importance of journaling, I created a daily ritual. My favorite time to journal was after work hours. My ritual included making a cup of coffee & journaling for a minimum of 20 mins.

What to write in your journal?

Start with situations that feel stressful or ones that trigger anger in you. These could be past hurts or disappointments with loved ones. Or you could journal about recent incidences that made you feel wronged or invisible.

When you consciously take time to reflect and contemplate on the unpleasant situations in your life, it gives you the power to change them.

Self-awareness always precedes healing.

Cultivating Awareness

Journaling nurtures self-awareness. You become present to:

your default patterns,
how you shift blame in situations,
your unhealed trauma,
your learned responses from your family of origin (chances are you respond to anger the same way your parents or a closed family member responded),
your ability (or inability) to self-soothe yourself,
your ability (or inability) to handle your negative thoughts and emotions

Developing Healthy Emotional Responses

Most people see anger as a giant, hairy monster that wreaks havoc in their lives. The truth is that anger is your friend.

See anger as a messenger, telling you which behaviors or patterns you need to pay attention to in your life. Think of anger as a trusted friend guiding you to make course corrections so you can live your best life.

When a person lacks emotional competence, they will often use anger as a cover-up for their negative emotions.

Knowing the difference between when you are angry versus frustrated or in a full-on rage can help you discern your emotional response.

Writing prompts for anger management:

A few simple prompts to get started in journaling is:

I feel angry when …

And write whatever comes to your mind. Don’t filter it. Don’t make it sound pretty. Your journal is for your eyes only.
It is your safe space, so feel free to write whatever thoughts come into your head. So write down the Truth, how you feel on the inside.

Write a letter to your anger

If anger was a person, what would you say to it?
Does it hurt you? Do you want it to go away? Does it discourage you? Are you afraid of your anger? If so, why?
The more you have clarity around what angers triggers inside you, the easier you will be able to let go of this emotion.

What’s the message that your anger wants to convey to you?

Ask your anger – what message does it have for you? And what you need to learn from it.
If you pay close attention, 99% of the time – anger is a precursor for change. For good or for bad, anger often instigates change.
As you contemplate situations that trigger anger, ask yourself: what is the underlying message (in this situation) that I am not seeing? What do I need to change in myself?

What-if Anger was my friend?

Another prompt to reflect and write about is what would it take to make anger your BFF?
What-if anger was acting in your best interest? Can you shift your perception and observe anger through a new lens?

Deep down in your heart, you already know what you need to do to overcome anger. So trust that little voice inside of you.

Few books I will highly recommend for healing anger :

I hope these suggestions nudge you to explore journaling as an emotional healing tool. As always, please only take what resonates and discard the rest.